His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We left the knife in your bed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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