john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
