I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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