You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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