I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
