Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
