Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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