I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
