I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
