new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
