You smell like stripper and shame
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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