i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
