just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
