I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In other news, I just burned my penis
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
