he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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