I wanna bring you to show and tell
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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