I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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