she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
