Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
