ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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