I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
