I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
