She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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