i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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