You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i already hear my dad disowning me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
