we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
