Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
