The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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