He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
