Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
