Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
