I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sarcasm needs its own font
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize