he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
