No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
