This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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