So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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