How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
