He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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