Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
