i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
