kristin has been a bad kristin
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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