I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
