Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
