yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
