I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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