So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
