the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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