i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
