Dude my mom stole all your condoms
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
