So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
