i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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