So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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