he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
