soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
