1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
