he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
