The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
