Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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