No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
