i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
