This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize