I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
