So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
