Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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