Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
