my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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