Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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