A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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