its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
