mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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