can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
