This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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