The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
