So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
