I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
