I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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