K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
