i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
