After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
