does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize