a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
