Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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