What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
