The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
