Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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