I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
