so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
