'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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