I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
