I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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