I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
