I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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