First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
