By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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