Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
