What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
