so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you will always have a special place in my vag
Did I show you my penis last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
