your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
